Balancing Dreams and Realism
Dear Coach Bryant:
I have a rising 9th grade boy who wants to play college basketball. This is the most competitive boys' sport at the moment, I believe -- and he's generally aware of where he falls in the talent pool (i.e., not at the top) -- but this is his dream. How do we support him but also persuade him to pursue other interests and set expectations without crushing his hopes?
Supportive in Seattle
Dear Hopeful:
It’s wonderful that your son has a dream of playing college basketball, but you’re also right to be thinking about how to set expectations without discouraging him. Basketball is one of the most competitive boys’ sports, and while your son may be aware that he isn’t at the top of the talent pool, he still deserves support in chasing his dream. At the same time, it’s important to help him keep his goals realistic and well-rounded. Here’s how you can do both:
Outline Your Priorities Start by making sure you have clear priorities, and keep academics at the top of the list. No matter where his basketball journey takes him, a strong academic foundation is crucial. Help him understand that academic success opens more doors in the long run and should be non-negotiable, even while pursuing his basketball dream.
Build Two Lists Creating two lists can help keep his ambitions grounded and ensure he has options both inside and outside of athletics:
Athletic List: This list should include schools where he has a realistic chance of playing basketball, based on his talent and development. Make sure these schools also align with the other priorities you’ve outlined, such as academics, location, and culture.
Academic List: This should focus on schools that fully match his academic interests and offer a great college experience, even if basketball isn't part of the picture. Consider schools with strong club basketball programs where he can still play competitively without the pressures of a varsity-level team.
Prepare for the Application Process Encourage your son to prepare for the college application process just like any other student. That means building a well-rounded resume filled with activities he’s genuinely interested in. These can include basketball, but they should also encompass substantive extracurriculars such as leadership roles, volunteering, or involvement in clubs. Admissions officers want to see students who are engaged in diverse interests, not just focused on one sport.
Understand That Every Athlete’s Career Ends Eventually It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your son about the reality that all athletes stop playing their sport at some point—whether that’s at the high school level, in college, or even after a professional career. For good, talented athletes in ultra-competitive sports like basketball, that moment may come earlier than anticipated. Help him understand that stepping away from a sport doesn’t mean the end of his love for the game or his identity. It’s simply part of the journey.
The Reality
Supporting your son’s dream while keeping expectations realistic is a balancing act. By emphasizing academics, offering alternative paths like club sports, and preparing for life beyond basketball, you can help him pursue his passion without losing sight of the bigger picture. In the end, he’ll be better equipped for success in whatever path he chooses—on or off the court.
Good luck!
Amy
