Dear Younger Me – Kenisha Liu
The Leave Your Mark Series invites current and former college athletes to address their former selves to provide advice, comfort, or anything else they feel may be important for up-and-coming generations to consider when determining their college athletic goals.
To read the entire Leave Your Mark Series, head over to www.athletestoathletes.com
Dear Younger Kenisha,
Hey! I’m you, but 6 years in the future. I know that to you 23 seems ancient, I guess that’s fair because to me 17 seems like a baby.
I know you are probably more interested in what happens to us 6 years later, but I’m more interested in you. Right now. We always had a habit of taking things too fast. Besides, we don’t want to create one of those pesky wormholes by telling you too much about the future (lay off the sci-fi and TV shows, for the sake of our social life).
I still remember 17 though. You’re one of the fastest high school swimmers in the country. You’re getting featured in publications and the local newspaper for setting state records and going to Olympic Trials.
People seem really interested in what you’re doing and where you’re going. And you probably feel pretty invincible right now.
Full ride at UCLA.
It felt like I was wearing it on my sleeve then, the way people would come up and congratulate me all the time.
I guess one of the best things about being good at what you do is that other people knew it. I know you’d never admit it, but it feels good, just to be seen.
Swimming gave you an outlet and it gave you a purpose. Most importantly, it gave you an identity. You were known as the swimmer at 14. You missed hangouts for practice, you couldn’t stay up late because of morning workouts, and you always had to explain away that pesky goggle tan. But that was okay because at 15 you were the swimmer who won high school championships despite breaking her collarbone months before. Then at 16, you were the swimmer who represented the United States at World Junior Championships. And finally, at 17 you were THE swimmer. The one who was going to make it big at UCLA.
It all sounds good. It all sounds amazing. But I want to emphasize this:
You are not a swimmer. You are a person who swims.
Random distinction, I know. That’s what it felt like the first time someone told me that my freshman year of college. What weird advice. It didn’t even seem to make sense. I was okay with being “the swimmer”.
But the problem with tying your identity to being a swimmer is your self-worth rides up and down a rollercoaster with every race you swim.
When you swim a bad race (and it will happen many times), I want you to remember one thing.
That doesn’t take away any of your value. Because you’re a person first. And just like how that one swim doesn’t define you as a swimmer, being a swimmer doesn’t define you as a person.
That’s lesson number one.
You are worthy now. Not because of anything you achieved in the pool, but because you care about other people. Because you push even when times get hard. And simply because you exist.
I guess that leads into my second lesson. There’s only one person that you have to make sure not to disappoint. And that is yourself.
The nature of sports is that there are going to be so many people telling you what to do and there are a lot of people who are going to be invested in your career. Those people are important. It’s amazing to look at the stands and see people who care whether I finish 8 laps in a minute and forty-four seconds versus a minute and fifty. What a strange concept. A strange but really lovely thing.
But do not get it twisted. They are not swimming that race. They are not the ones putting in the work. And even when it’s a teammate who you are in the trenches with day-in and day-out, at the end of the day, it’s not their job to weigh your self-worth.
That is a unique responsibility reserved for yourself.
It’s understandable to get a little emotional about sports. But you cannot be afraid of disappointing people. If you try your best then you’ve done your job. Don’t take anyone’s disappointment as a challenge to convince them of your worth.
You define your own worth.
That doesn’t mean you’re alone. Remember those people in the stands and the teammates around you? Give them a hug whenever you get a chance.
Hug Lucy at PAC12 championships, when she’s crying after your 200 IM because she knows how hard you worked for that drop.
Savor that group hug with your teammates, after narrowly out-touching USC at your rival meet.
Hug all the parents who’d wait outside your hotel just so they could form a human tunnel every time you walked out towards the charter bus.
And hug all your coaches that gave a damn about the hours of work you put in the pool. Because it never really was about the swimming. Swimming was just a means to an end for the relationships you built along the way.
I know that I’ve given you a lot of heavy lessons to think about. But if you take nothing else from this, I just want you to do one thing.
Enjoy it. (It’s going to be pretty fun.)
You’re going to make some of the best friends you’ll ever have. You’re going to eat some of the most AMAZING food. And go to amazing places! And I will admit, you’ll do some things that you will be proud of. There is so much to look forward to.
But each year flies by quicker and quicker. Admittedly, during freshman year, the clock hand crawls. Freshman year will be a big transition for you as you navigate a whole new environment. But you’ll find your footing. And by senior year, you’ll feel like everything flew by before you got to take it all in.
God, there is so much I want to tell you. Don’t slouch, don’t take that Econ class, and most of all don’t worry. I promise you everything is going to be okay.
That is me giving you permission to mess up. In spite of all of this advice, I want you to give yourself the freedom to be you.
I’m really proud of you.
And taking the bad with all the good, I can’t wait for you to experience it all.
All the love in the world,
– Future Kenisha
(Oh also, before I go. Senior year, stockpile toilet paper and those surgical masks you see on doctor shows on TV. And you might also want to look into something called crypto).
