Not recruited? Now what?
One of the stories I tell my students is about the day I left competitive soccer. I still remember that day with total clarity. I thanked my coach for the amazing opportunity to play for the first Women’s Soccer team at Duke University. With each recruiting class coming behind me being better and better players, I realized that my playing time would be dwindling in my junior and senior years. I wasn’t wrong. By the team’s 5th season, Duke Women’s Soccer was playing against UNC Chapel Hill in the Division I National Championship.
That day changed my life in so many ways. I know it’s cliché, but when one door closes, many more open. I didn’t want to waste a single second letting the gaping hole in my heart cause me any more pain. I wanted to fill it with new challenges I couldn’t otherwise experience as a Division I athlete and make the most of the two years I had left in college.
I had my day planned out. After leaving my coach’s office, I went straight to the Study Abroad office and signed up to go to Sydney, Australia. I also started playing volleyball again and signed up for a swimming P.E. class. I had just finished soccer season when I got in the pool for the first session, so I felt confident I could excel in the water. An hour and a half later, I exited the pool in total exhaustion and slept for the next four hours. It felt amazing to be challenging myself in a new way.
The following winter, I was living in Sydney, Australia, attending the University of New South Wales, and playing beach volleyball tournaments again. I traveled as much as I could on a very tight student budget. I wanted to see the world.
When I returned to Duke for my senior year, I worked as a Resident Advisor on a freshman hall and asked to be placed with athletes so I could give back to a community that gave me so much when I started college. I also worked in the marketing department of The Chronicle, the student newspaper, to help build my resume for the next phase of my life. Most people who knew me on campus knew me as a soccer player, so it wasn’t uncommon to be asked about how the team was doing during my senior year. Every time I was asked about soccer, a small bit of my heart ached. Slowly over the coming years, this ache subsided as I continued to be involved in athletics in new and different ways.
After graduating, I worked in marketing for a software company and spent every weekend playing beach volleyball. When I was 25, I herniated a disc in my neck, which ended my volleyball pursuits. Once again, I needed to find a way forward. The doctors advised me to stay active by playing sports that didn’t favor one side of my body, so I began surfski kayaking. On the job front, I convinced my boss to allow me to “job swap” with my marketing counterpart in Europe, and three months later, I was living in Amsterdam. I traveled all over Europe for work and tried to embrace the Dutch way of life by learning how to speed skate (badly).
Fast forward a few more years, and I married a Norwegian and moved to Oslo, Norway. I learned how to cross-country ski and continued my love for downhill whenever I could find a decent mountain. After six and a half years, we returned to California with one child and another one on the way. I coached my kids’ AYSO soccer teams for many years and loved cheering them on as they found their own passions through junior lifeguards, swimming, water polo, and sailing. I took up new sports and activities like sprint triathlons, surfing, yoga, and pilates.
Since 2012, I have built a college counseling business focused on supporting high school student-athletes as they embark on a similar journey. Not all of them get recruited. Some of them play their sport and then decide to leave. Others play throughout college and find their journey ends at graduation. Eventually, we all come to this place where we need to transition and leave the competition behind. I want every student-athlete to know that just because you stop competing in a sport you love doesn’t mean you have to give up your identity as an athlete. The transition can be difficult and the mental health challenges are very real.
In life, we all have to reinvent ourselves over and over again. With so many ways to stay connected with sports, my advice to student-athletes who face the reality of not being recruited is to embrace the opportunity to stay active, learn new things, and meet new people. Your life is just getting started!